


Tales from the Brute Squad

by Hijja



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2019-02-23 22:29:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13199886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hijja/pseuds/Hijja
Summary: Welcome to the brute squad. Malfoy's cronies. Built like trolls and twice as ugly. Too dumb to stick two thoughts together. I could say it doesn't bother me. Yeah, like hell!





	Tales from the Brute Squad

**Author's Note:**

> First written in June 2003.
> 
> Virtual cookies to Matt Edwards for getting me to think about the 'brute squad' in the first place, and thanks to Elizabeth, Bryony and shatteredsuppression for looking it over. The introductory comments have been borrowed from the books and various fanfics. If I picked yours, it was without evil intent.
> 
> Warning: This is Goyle. If swearing bothers you, better read something else!

Welcome to the brute squad. Malfoy's cronies. Built like trolls and twice as ugly. Too dumb to stick two thoughts together. Sharing a single brain cell. Thick. Dull. Gormless.

I could say it doesn't bother me. Actually, it's got advantages. Being underestimated on principle. Being able to meet any and all expectations because they're so ridiculously low all the time. Overhearing tons of interesting stuff because nobody expects it to register with us anyway. It makes for lots of good stories in the common room. So yes, I could say it doesn't bother me. Yeah, like fuck! You try being called a stupid Slytherin Death Eater brat day in and day out, see how much you like it!

Vince doesn't seem to care much. Or so he says whenever he calms me down after I get wound up about one of those little digs. Feeding me chocolate works pretty well, too. He really is the house pragmatist. Get-lemons-make-lemonade expert. Of course he'll punch you through the wall if you look at him the wrong way, but words don't hurt him.

As for the cronies bit, sure, that's in the job description. Looking out for Draco Malfoy as Vince's father and mine did for Lucius. Of course, Lucius has enforcers, not bodyguards, but you get the picture. Honestly, I can't remember a time in my life when we did not play guardian angels for little Draco. Growing up in and around Malfoy Manor, that happened automatically. Dad owns the village pub in Ipsham, the hamlet next to the Manor, while Victor Crabbe manages the Malfoy estates. They're still Malfoy's left and right hand. If you have that example if front of your nose all the time, it'll rub off on you. The unvoiced expectations will do their bit as well.

Do I love the snide little bastard? Sure I do. No, not what you're thinking now! If I'd have to pick a bloke to shag, I'd ask Vince. A bit like incest, of course, but hell, we're Slytherins. Morals are for lesser people. But Draco - 'course, I could spend the rest of the night ticking off his faults. Think arrogant, cruel, vicious, sarcastic. Ok, no faults there. Doesn't know how to care, though. And is just a little too weak. A bit too spoiled, and afraid of too many things. All in comparison to the king of evil devils, of course. He's no Lucius, and will never be. Thank Merlin for small mercies!

Lucius Malfoy is the scariest thing I've ever seen - but I've not met the Dark Lord yet, of course. And oh yes, I admire him for it! Malfoy senior has the personality of a honed razor blade, and probably the soul to match. And sometimes I think it sits uneasy on him. I may not be particularly bright, but I do see things. The quieter you are, the more you see. Draco is no Lucius, because Lucius doesn't want him to be. Oh, sure, he pushes him to an extent that would have made me, not to mention Vince, go for a knife, or my wand, a long time ago. But unlike what most people believe, the little dragon is no downtrodden accessory of Lucius Malfoy's family pride. Though he always makes sure there won't be a hint of affection shown in public, ever, I suspect Draco is the one thing Lucius would die for.

What was I thinking about earlier? Oh, yes, Draco. So I like him. So what? Everybody could like damn bloody "may I rescue you from evil and roll out a carpet so the ground won't hurt your feet" Potter. Liking our nasty brat, now that's an achievement. And don't forget, when the fucking Gryffindor trio sticks together it's adorable, loyal friendship, whereas with us in Slytherin it's goonism, of course. Fuck them, the whole sorry lot of them! What do Gryffs know about loyalty, anyway? Too busy showing off, especially their poster child and his snob of a Mudblood girlfriend. Pathetic to see poor dumb Weasel dragging after them, pawing for a tiny bit of glory in their wake. And they call us stupid! Oh well, screw them.

Of course, Draco does have some redeeming qualities. Like when he put that Burning Hex on Boot and Turpin in front of Flitwick for calling Millicent 'fat and ugly' - got him a two week detention, too. Sure, they had topped his Charms scores the week before and been very smug about it, but still... Or when he stood up to Moody even after the fucking bastard almost broke every bone in his body. And of course he came close to ridding us of that dumb bugger Hagrid in third year - we could have had a real Magical Creatures teacher unlike bloody "I live for setting illegal experimentally-bred monsters on students". Ah well... And he always shares out his candy supply!

What do they know about friendship outside Slytherin, anyway? I still remember the Hat's song at our sorting:

Or perhaps in Slytherin  
You'll make your real friends,  
Those cunning folk use any means  
To achieve their ends.

Sure, everybody immediately connected 'Slytherin' and 'any means to achieve their ends', but they miss the important thing - the bit about 'real friends'. Even if I hadn't always known where I'd be sorted (still wake up nights with horrible dreams of the Hat saying 'potential for Hufflepuff'. The shame!), that verse would've made me chose Slytherin. Because once you're Slytherin, you're... protected. Your housemates will always be there, backing you up, making sure you pass your classes. Curse you to hell and back if you lose house points, but heck, you can't have everything.

Of course, it's a matter of self-defence. What they call 'house competition' is nothing more than Gryffindor, Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff ganging up on Salazar's house. As the Founders did with the Old Man - a time-honoured tradition. And they all moan about Snape being prejudiced! At least he gets right in your face if he's got a problem with you, while the others jabber about fairness and goodwill and then stab you from behind.

If any of us ever was blue-eyed about it, we lost all illusions at the end of our first year, when Dumbledore gave the Cup we won to his favourites. And after that stupid bitch McGonagall practically stripped Gryffindor of all its house points! It looked like such an utterly dumb move at first - I mean, Snape's our head of house and a scary shite altogether, but if he'd sabotage his own house like that, the upper year Slytherins would have made him pay, and pay dearly. Looking back, it was a brilliant scheme between Dumbledore and the bloody cat - she could appear all fair and stern and objective, and he made sure their house got the prize anyway. Arseholes!

It was the last time I saw Draco cry - well, I didn't see it, but he disappeared, and when he came back... You can't grow up with someone ever since the playpen without really knowing him. He was still hysterical with fury halfway through the summer holidays. Lucius just shrugged and asked him what the hell he'd expected. That's the way the world works. The only way to get respect as a Slytherin is to terrorise people until they give it. That's what they did, in their time at Hogwarts. Dad told me a little about it. Slytherin's Fist, Lucius and his year mates were called, and nobody dared to stand up to them. Not the staff, not even Dumbledore. They made use of all those 'Death Eaters in training' rumours that surround Slytherin, when everybody was already scared shitless of the Dark Lord. And of course almost all of them chose that way... Lucius, father and Victor Crabbe, Macnair, the Lestranges, Robert Travers...

I think one of Lucius' reasons for plotting to get Dumbledore sacked in our second year was because of that House Cup fiasco. Not the only reason, of course, they've hated each other since forever, but it would be typical for Lucius to make a painful point that you don't mess with any of his. He bought the House those ultra-cool brooms to even out the balance, too! That's what I mean by Slytherin loyalty.

Not that we're all love and peace with each other; quite the opposite. Slytherin means a unified front against the outsiders, but try cooping up close to a hundred people whose defining characteristic is ambition in one dungeon, and you'll know the true meaning of 'internal warfare'.

Not that it bothers me - Vince and I aren't really involved. We're Draco's people already, and he doesn't have to play power games with us. Not with Pansy, either, the poor thing is far too much in love with him. And believe me, it's not mutual. Sure, it flatters him, and he'll get all the benefits sooner or later. Vince and I have a ten Galleon bet on about when they'll start shagging. But Draco and love? I wouldn't risk even a single box of Chocolate Frogs on the chance that he really likes us (well, maybe, but there's the Malfoy "don't show affection or it'll kill you" credo), but I'd bet my life that he doesn't love Pansy. And she's so scared that she won't measure up to Madam Narcissa's high standards as proper wife for her one and only. Considering how openly Pansy's mother flaunts old-fashioned wizarding moral standards that's not even a far-fetched worry. That's the Malfoys all right - do whatever sordid deed you fancy, but keep up bloody appearances. As Walden Macnair pointed out once, pissing drunk at the time, of course: Narcissa made sure to pick out the pretty governesses for Draco, and not for Malfoy senior's benefit! So she's really not the one to talk. Draco and Pansy would be much better off without each other, anyway. She needs someone who's reliable, and he someone he's got to put some effort into roping in. I'll have to have words with the girl some time soon, and hope it won't get me into a duel. She's bloody fast with the hexes.

Millicent's off-limits, too. Not that she'd be afraid of Draco, or ever back down to him, it's just that she's too damn shy to even look at him, and he's secretly intimidated by her. She strikes out when she's cornered, and bloody hard, too. Imagine, having a girl mop the floor with great Draco Malfoy! I'd give a lot to see that. What? I'm Slytherin!

But watch Draco with Blaise Zabini, or Thomas andTabby Nott, and you'll find they're still trying to get the better of each other as violently as in our very first year. And yet, when push comes to shove, they'll back him - even Blaise. That's Lucius' heritage. You either serve or rule, and you bloody well better don't serve.

Ambition, again. Personally, I don't think I get too much of that. It's good that I'm naturally evil, otherwise I'd probably make an atypical Slytherin. Sure, I want a secure position, preferably a bit above your average wizard, and I wouldn't say no to some serious Dark Arts powers and a harem of beautiful love slaves. But mainly, I want my housemates safe, and my friends with me. Yes, I know that sounds hufflypuffly. That's why I wouldn't admit to it in public, ever.

But I'm not like Vince, who dreams of being both a Death Eater and a Beater for the Falmouth Falcons (he likes their motto). Or like Blaise, who wants to become the greatest Transfiguration expert of our time. Or Pansy, who wants to marry the heir of Malfoy. Or Draco, who wants to rule the world. Though now that I think of it, playing Beater for the Falcons doesn't sound bad at all...

And yet, now that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named has returned, a Death Eater career is far more likely. Kind of inevitable, really. It might even be interesting. I wouldn't mind getting the chance to kick some of those who wouldn't think twice about kicking us. We'd be something like the secret weapon of Slytherin house. And of course Draco will be a Death Eater, so can we do anything less? Yes, if you think about it long enough, it sounds pretty good.

Then again, some things about it sound pretty stupid, too. I mean, getting rid of all Muggles? Sure, that's only, what, 98% of the world's population? I do Muggle Studies, believe me, I know. What? Uncharacteristic for a future Death Eater? Fuck it! It's a bloody easy class, and you wouldn't catch me dead in Divination. That's Vince's hobbyhorse - probably wants to get in touch with his witchy side. Or rather, he wanted to share a class with Millicent, and didn't want to go through all the work in Ancient Runes or Arithmancy. He'd love to get into her knickers, the sly bugger, even though he'd never admit it. And yes, the class is interesting. Muggle Studies, I mean. Dad wasn't enthusiastic at first, but the "I'm getting to know the enemy" line brought him round. Logical arguments will convince lots of people, especially if they don't expect it from you.

Of course, all the other frigging houses will just nod their heads sagely and point out that they've always known. Slytherin, the Young Death Eater Society. Bad apples. Chuck them all out, no loss there. Home of the Dark Wizards. Hell, I'll wear that shoe when the time comes, but what about people like Pansy and Millicent? Or Zabini? Or all the others who'd hex you over the head with their broomsticks if you implied they supported the Dark Lord? And how many of those will turn to the Dark Side in frustration because they've heard the chant of the self-righteous once too often?

But you know what? That's their problem! That of the self-righteous, read Gryffindors and assorted hangers-on. They've looked down on us and insulted our house long enough. We'll take revenge for that, sooner, rather than later. Who cares about the Muggles, anyway? It's the Wizarding World that needs turning around, and I'll be there to help in the doing of it.

~ ~ ~

All right, done! That was the last one. And after midnight, too. Still, polishing trophies isn't the worst of detentions. Kind of monotonous, lets your mind wander off to Merlin-knows-where. Vince fell asleep in the middle of it once. Pissed off Filch to no end. Well, time to get some sleep - shouldn't have let the Squib catch me replacing the dessert cupcakes with Weasley Canary Creams. Vince got under the tablecloth in time, but yours truly crashed head first into the table leg. Well, it was a worthy, insidious Slytherin plot. Pity it didn't work...

Bugger! Hand cramped up from polishing, and a bleeding headache on top of it. That'll teach me! Shouldn't think too much when you're bloody stupid. Still, it's nothing that filching some Honeydukes chocolate from Draco's store wouldn't cure...

First priority, food. I can contemplate becoming a menace to the Wizarding World another time.

~ ~ ~ finis ~ ~ ~


End file.
